Fulfilling the wish of pastors everywhere by treating church as enthusiastically as we do sports.
Joined January 2018
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There is no getting around it. Clock management was just terrible in yesterday's service.
I’m back!!!
That’s what we people who publicly say we love church do, right? Show up around Christmas after being MIA for a few months
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Bring the same energy to Sunday morning worship you brought to Saturday afternoon football.
Unless you’re from Wisconsin. We don’t need that kind of language in church.
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If you haven’t already, give your pastor a high five today 🤚🏼
🤚🏼 the youth guy and worship leader too
Maybe 🤚🏼 the nursery workers if you’re up to date on your vaccinations
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If it isn’t reported on ESPN, I probably don’t know about it.
So I’d like to thank the Houston Rockets, Adam Silver, Daryl Morey, Yao Ming, and everyone in China because I feel much more informed when world news occasionally intersects with sports.
FUNatic Church call and response before the offering:
WE
WE BELIEVE
WE BELIEVE THAT
WE BELIEVE THAT WE
WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL GIVE
WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL GIVE
WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL GIVE
WE BELIEVE THAT WE WILL GIVE
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Tonight I’ll be switching back and forth between the #USAvsPan #GoldCup2019 match and the #DemDebates...either way it will be 11 Americans frantically trying to figure out what to do with Central Americans while thousands of people complain about how they’re doing it
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#SuperBowlSunday sermon from Genesis 22:13-
Todd Gurley gets caught in the thicket.
I do not recall ever wearing a Tom Brady jersey and I am not one of the two people wearing Patriots gear in that yearbook picture. I will not resign and I plan to earn your forgiveness.
#PropBet Which will sister Janet do most often on #SuperSunday at my church?
55%Share gossip as a concern
45%Complain about volume
0%Pat someone’s rear end
0%Criticize parenting
11 votes • Final results#SuperSunday #PropBet Which will take longer at your church?
17%Awkward handshake time
17%Worship leader’s rambling
8%Offering collection
58%Announcements
12 votes • Final results#SuperSunday #PropBet
Which receives the most complaints?
33%Sermon length
33%Song selection
31%Temperature
3%Bulletin errors
36 votes • Final resultsTo show my displeasure for the Patriots making it to the Super Bowl once again, I will blot out the moon tonight.
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I didn’t post for a few weeks while my church and I were negotiating a new contract. I am happy to report that they have agreed to a five year deal paying me a total of $83 million*
*contingent upon me tithing 105%
