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Can we stop romanticizing Bordeline Personality Disorder? You’re not being quirky or cute with your “I have bpd, I’m crazy like Harley Queen🤪” Yeah? Well… I have bpd too! But instead 💔 The good emotions feel like heaven, and people gravitate towards me because I love and care and spread joy. But the negative emotions consume me and it feels unbearable. It’s biologically proven, it’s not being dramatic: the amygdala becomes more active, while the regions responsible for emotional regulation process information is very slow 💔 When I’m split (episode) I spew vile things, often aiming for my loved one’s insecurities. Logically I know this comes from fear and I hate myself every single time. Not only can I not stop but I can’t even recognize myself during it. I do everything to try to make the hurt go away, from yelling to often getting physical (breaking things, slamming doors, hurting myself etc) 💔 I don’t xexperience stress like you do. I get paranoid, feeling like I’m being watched in my own home from corners and windows, get scared and even hallucinate (although the latter is rare) 💔 I attempt/have the urge to attempt to… most of the time I have a split (I’ve been better about it lately) especially when someone abandons me or I feel like they are abandoning me (even if they’re not) 💔 Friends often say I’m like a style sponge. The reality is, I don’t have a single clue who tf I am and most likely never will. I go from goth dommy mommy to lazy gamer to elegant woman, because I didn’t develop a personality, so I go from one thing to another 💔 I’m extremely impulsive, and more often than not regret these impulses within the same day (art commissions, drinking, hyper sexuality) 💔 All I want is people to love and care about me, but when they can’t meet my (unrealistic) expectations, like love me like I love them - which is unreasonable because they don’t have bpd so they can’t love that much - it validates my fear that I am a bad person and undeserving of love 💔 I push people away when actually I need a hug/nice words/care. The best way I can describe it is imagine a feral cat who hisses and claws at you. They don’t actually want to hurt you they’re just scared, and all they want is to feel safe and loved 💔 While I am better at handling it then years ago, my mood swings (not the same as bipolar) really fast as well, meaning that I can be attempting one minute and want a hug and a movie 5 mins later. This physically drains me more than anything in my life 💔 I am deeply aware that most people who have had a gf with bpd will tell others to “run” and were labeled “crazy”. I know the statistics: ~70% of BPD are reported single, separated or divorced. Seeing all the experiences and saying “bpd is hopeless” “good for short term only” still hurts. For example, I really love the movie Obsession, although it made me extremely uncomfortable on first watch, as most people with BPD relate to Nikki. However I was also disturbed and uncomfortable watching “my” crash outs in a horror movie represented as a girl who is possessed or crazy. When I asked my bestie “is this how my split looks like” they sheepishly said yes People with BPD were most likely raised by a narcissist who was most likely a physical and/or emotional abuser. It means that growing up they had to guard themselves every min of their existence. It’s a sign that a person has been heavily abused and that they need love and care. Beneath aaaall of these observed things is somebody that loves people, and are actually - and sadly? - the opposite of a narcissist because instead of lovebombing, they hate bomb because they’re guarding themselves. The people that were supposed to love them didn’t, so their lives was full of confusion, abuse, neglect, gaslighting and everything that comes along with narcissistic parental abuse. There is no cure, best we can do is regulate as much as we can and hope for the best. So pls, stop trying to label yourself because it’s trendy