Characters Welcome Guy | Teacher @ucbtny │ Writer @mcsweeneys @PointsinCase @SlackjawHumor │ poems │ characters │ puppets │ MORE STUFF - https://xitter.cf/t.co/D9nKMflCsq

Brooklyn
Joined May 2009
a southern white lady stubbing her toe:
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🎶i heard there was a secret chord🎶
39 year old sexually active woman presented with fever and right sided abdominal pain. Ultrasound was normal so doctors did a laparoscopy to see violin string adhesions between the liver and the wall of the belly. These thin white bands of tissue look like the strings on a violin. They form when the covering of the liver gets inflamed. This is called Fitz-Hugh-Curtis syndrome. It is also called perihepatitis. It is a complication of pelvic inflammatory disease. This is an infection of the uterus and tubes that spreads upward. The usual germs are chlamydia or gonorrhea. Sexually active women can get these infections if they are not treated. The pain can feel like a gallbladder problem and often gets worse with deep breaths. Antibiotics clear the infection. Doctors may also cut the adhesions during the operation to relieve pain. Most women feel better after treatment. Seeing a doctor early helps avoid lasting issues.
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when the spooky girl asks me if I'm seeing anyone else
Wait does this mean the blood was real…??🫨
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Eric Feurer retweeted
Polycules attack you like this when you’re a single person who just moved to Portland
Merged monster rehearsals for Zach Cregger’s ‘RESIDENT EVIL.’ 📷 Jakub Hudlický
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Eric Feurer retweeted
this straight couple brought a BABY into a GAY BAR and got MAD when I joked "these twinks look younger every year''
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Eric Feurer retweeted
girlfriend: how am I supposed to feel loved in this relationship if you're unable to love yourself fully nude gnome sprinting under the table and going so fast his giggle has the doppler effect: HOO ʜᴏᴏ ʰᵒᵒ ͘͘͘ me: what the hell was that ex-girlfriend: you always do this
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this guy is presumably going to the hospital and they’re genuinely playing crab rave
an umpire got hit in the head and now they’re forcing us to sing Don’t Stop Believing
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reminder that this guy offered to end world hunger and has 600000x the amount of money he needs to do that and instead he wants to, let me see here, control the sun
Elon Musk proposes placing a massive swarm of AI satellites between Earth and the Sun They would regulate the amount of sunlight reaching Earth and, in doing so, help curb global warming. Under the proposal, the satellites would be positioned at Lagrange points and controlled using AI. They could be launched from the Moon using mass drivers. The idea’s proponents claim that such a system could protect Earth from overheating for up to one billion years.
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ว่าด้วยตุ๊กตาห้อยกระเป๋า
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if only he would have stuck it out until the cars run over people
Elon Musk: "I don't think I'll be playing GTA 6" "I only played a bit of GTA 5, and it required shooting police officers to progress in the opening scene; I just couldn't do it."
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We should add THC and adderall to it and create the Fifth Loko
now that we got rid of the FDA or whatever we should bring back original four loko
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why is dolly parton dead and my coworker is alive
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Eric Feurer retweeted
Because they don’t fucking care.
If Dolly Parton can gift 20million books a year to children, why can’t Amazon, Apple and Microsoft do something like this??
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sydney sweenys data center water
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making a House of Leaves movie adaptation and half way through the first act the film stops and informs audiences to walk down the street to the 7/11 in order to keep watching on the CCTV feed.
There's a separate section called "BOOKS WE WISH WERE MOVIES" What books do you wish were movies???
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Eric Feurer retweeted
My uncle performed the first Minion autopsy out near Marietta. Year was ‘89. Thick, thick skin, like a boar’s. Downstairs was all cloaca. Kevin still visits the grave
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Replying to @KennethFitzsi15
Probably the two options that leave me still a busy human and not a conduit for Satan
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If Better Call Saul is really set in 2004, how come no one is ever talking about Homestar Runner?
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we aren't 'friends with benefits', we're
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To understand Lindsey Graham, you have to know both his parents died when he was 20. He never wanted anyone else to know such sorrow & so was driven the rest of his life to kill as many children as possible around the world, so they could never get old enough for that to happen.
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