✨FADA Pack Magic✨

You probably won’t read all of this. That’s fine, I probably wouldn’t either 😂 TL;DR: I love you. I’m struggling, but working on it. I’ve lived with anxiety, depression, and ADHD for all of my adult life. I’ve shared this before, but it’s important context for understanding why my brain is broken. Lost my mom to cancer at 9. At 16, my dad died from a heart attack. I found him and tried CPR. Other things happened, but no need to write a novel. My anxiety and ADHD became noticeable around age 20. I overthink conversations, question my worth, expect the worst, and struggle to focus. I constantly (and involuntarily) compare myself to others. When I see posts about people being invited to events, building apps, getting promoted, finishing courses, attending great schools, or having lifelong friends from those schools, I immediately think about how none of that applies to me. Instead of feeling inspired, I use their accomplishments as evidence that I’m behind, and as another reason to feel down on myself. I can remind myself over and over, and even recognize the reality that these thoughts aren’t true, but they still show up every day. Some days it's constant. Yet I can appear fine. I work, joke, and post while my mind drains its own energy. And somehow I have a house, a wonderful wife, two amazing dogs, can afford to eat, sleep, and buy some video games and Pokemon cards. And just because YOU beat your negative thought/overcame a struggle, don’t encapsulate someone else’s struggle to be the same as yours was. As much as there is a light spectrum, there is an emotion, struggle, and experience spectrum. It may seem odd that I share so much, and honestly, sharing this makes me feel incredibly vulnerable. Once it’s out there, I can’t control how people interpret it, judge it, or use it against me. But that discomfort is part of why I think it matters to post stuff like this. We should be able to share feelings from every part of that spectrum. Not only the posts about a $50,000 Pokemon card flip or the new 100k watch some famous bro is wearing. We study a painting to understand what the artist felt and wanted to communicate. Talking about the emotions that make up that painting is just as important as sharing the finished piece. This is part of my painting. I’m not posting this for sympathy. You can judge me, make fun of me, or be annoyed by it, I get it. But if someone being honest and vulnerable bothers you that much, you can kindly f*ck off. When everyone feels pressured to pretend they’re fine, people end up suffering alone and in silence. That silence and isolation can become dangerous. We need to be able to talk about these things openly. Sometimes, simply being willing to listen, question your assumptions, and pause before judging can keep someone from reaching their breaking point and killing themselves. The point is awareness and understanding. If you recognize yourself in any of this, please know that you don’t have to carry it alone. And if you recognize someone else, meet them with patience instead of assumptions. A little compassion can be a lifeline.