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Tyler Vendetti

@HeyThereFuture

I have a lot of funny tweets. None of them are on here. | Author @whalenbooks | Former @NBC Page | Bylines all over the place

 Near the coffee, probably
linkedin.com/in/tyler-vendetti-80663064
Joined June 2011
  • Tweets2.1K
  • Following371
  • Followers1.7K
225Media
Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)Photo by Tyler Vendetti (@HeyThereFuture)
Oh, you didn’t want me to schedule each day to the minute? Why did you ask me to Yosemite, then?
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Do you know every single lyric to "Fight Song" or did you live a life free of trauma?
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Starbucks. How dare you?
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I was attacked at lunch today.
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My 11:11 wish is that my troll name never dies.
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ANNOUNCEMENT: I have a podcast now! It’s a drunk book report, and it’s on Spotify. Tune into Best Cellars. open.spotify.com/show/7doRIf…
Best Cellars

Best Cellars

Podcast · Best Cellars · Two best friends read best-selling books and drink wine in a closet. It is, in essence, a drunk book report.

open.spotify.com
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not sure why more people don't call death "eternity leave"
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You learn something new every day. Like, today I learned if you accidentally lock your stuff in your gym cubby, you have to announce to every woman in the locker room that a man is entering with shears to cut it open, then describe in great detail what’s inside. :)
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Just got called for Jury Duty and the start date is Halloween. Which means I’ve gotta start preparing my costume.
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HOLD ON HOLD ON HOLD ON...HER SISTER WAS A WITCH RIGHT? AND WHAT WAS HER SISTER? A PRINCESS, THE WICKED WITCH OF THE EAST BRO. YOU'RE GONNA LOOK AT ME AND YOU'RE GONNA TELL ME THAT I'M WRONG? AM I WRONG? SHE WORE A CROWN AND SHE CAME DOWN IN A BUBBLE, DOUG. GROW UP BRO, GROW UP.
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My sexuality is Nancy Wheeler saying “hey there.” #StrangerThings
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Sold my soul this morning (bought a second item at the coffee shop for a new Wifi code).
I firmly believe that the only reason the T-Rex is the most popular dinosaur because it’s the only one we know how to pronounce.
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Velociraptors and the Stegosaurus fall into this category too. But like… what’s a Pachycephalosaurus? Do I not care because I have no idea how to say it out loud?
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One time, I was standing in line at a coffee shop and a young girl leaned down to pet my dog. The man behind me proceeded to lecture her on not petting strange animals to which she responded “Oh, is this your dog?” and watched him blabber into silence. I think about this often.
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am i doing this right?
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Tell me you had no idea how to play Wordle the first time without telling me you had no idea how to play Wordle the first time. I’ll start: ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️🟩 ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ ⬜️🟨🟩⬜️⬜️ ⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️⬜️ 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩
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Spotted in the restroom at Felipes restaurant in Boston. IYKYK. (Yes I took this mid-pee.) @MyFavMurder @GHardstark @KarenKilgariff
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My inner demons:
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I’m at the point in 2021 where I just dropped around a million dollars on useless items across three stores two weeks before Christmas and all of it - and I mean all of it - was for me.
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My dad will just send me one word texts about shows he’s watching with absolutely no context and it’s so so Pure ™
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How long have you been sitting on this joke, @latimes?
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