I keep it serious.

Denver, CO
Joined April 2008
Replying to @SplexyWho
The horoscope hoes are a menace.
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Uh oh, Americo.
BREAKING: China's stock market is now trailing the U.S. by the widest margin in history, as China's AI stock bubble bursts.
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Good question, Sundar.
Can I ask a DUMB tech question? Phones have 50MP, 108MP, even 200MP cameras now. But a 12MP iPhone photo still looks better. So what are those megapixels even doing?
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I’m going to celebrate by trying to negotiate with the cashier at 7/11.
Indian-born Congressman Raja Krishnamoorthi introduces a bipartisan resolution to designate July as “Indian American Heritage Month,” backed by nearly 60% of the House. Krishnamoorthi says more than 5.2 million “Indian Americans” live in the US, declaring: “Indian Americans have helped shape this country for generations…to honor that legacy and celebrate the many ways Indian Americans continue to enrich our country.” Follow: @AFpost
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What is we got rid of data centers and the entire citizen-surveillance industry?
YIKES: @KrisMayes pledges to get rid of golf courses if re-elected: "We have way, way too much grass in Arizona. We probably frankly — and I'm sure the golf industry is not going to like this when I say this — we probably have too many golf courses in Arizona right now." #AZAG
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Oh. Well, that ruined this show for me.
17-year-old former Home Improvement child actor Taran Noah Smith and his wife, 32-year-old Heidi van Pelt, start a vegan food company. The union is controversial due to the couple’s 15-year age gap and the fact that they have been intimate since Smith was 14.
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Moving to Philly to help turn a ridiculous housing bubble into subprime recession trouble.
.@PhillyMayor Cherelle Parker tells @EmilyRPeck that the city hopes to launch its historic mortgage program “before the end of 2026.” “Imagine getting a mortgage, a 30-year commitment, with no PMI,” Parker said, and accessible “with less-than-perfect credit.” #AxiosLive
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Boo hoo
"Indian people are like fucking animals." While waiting to board a flight from Kathmandu to New Delhi, I moved to the side of a crowd in front of the jet bridge to catch up with my mother in line when I heard this man behind me say those words. His name is Joaquin Bonilla Garcia. He's a Spanish passport holder. When I called him out on his blatant racism, he remained silent. After the flight, upon realizing I had filed a complaint with the airline, he tried to tell me there was a "misunderstanding." But I heard him loud and clear. I'm sharing this for two reasons. 1) I believe in freedom of speech, and I believe just as strongly that words have meaning. I think hateful statements should bear consequences. I couldn't track him down, but I would appreciate your help in identifying his community and holding him to account. 2) Racism is alive and well, even (especially?) in unlikely settings. I wasn't expecting to hear this kind of language on a flight within South Asia, surrounded by South Asian people, from a tourist who was visiting the region voluntarily. As an Indian American, I feel the pressure to be extra conscious of my behavior when I'm a visitor in another country. Clearly, others feel the opposite, even more empowered to behave badly when they are away from home.
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lol I didn't even notice the guy with the gun behind me until he car jacked me. It's okay, though. He probably needed a car more than me. I don't judge.
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Which bakery in India is slinging rye bread to a Lana Del Ray fan, with a guy named Gary hustling $90 parking spots for her moped.
For six months I paid a guy named Gary $90 a month to park behind a bakery on Alder Street. Payment app, the first of the month, no contract. Last week he texted: “Owner’s raising it to $120. Sorry man.” That felt steep, so I decided to talk to the owner myself. I walked into the bakery, bought a rye loaf, and asked the woman at the register who handled the back lot. “That’s me,” she said. “Which car?” I pointed. She looked out the window. “Gray Honda. You’re one of Gary’s.” “You know Gary?
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Not deleting this app until I’m 190 years old
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At what?
Replying to @ShannonSharpe
Dak better than Elway
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The boys in Cuba pulling up after beginning a discreet relationship with CIA.
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Comcast isn’t even liable for service outages to me.
Musk is a War Criminal and will be held accountable.
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Laugh now, but you’re shunning the next frontier of lobbying and grifting.
Oh no, will nobody think of the alcoholics
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Good shit.
After the Starlink disaster, Finnish tech companies have announced they will help Ukraine build its own sovereign satellite system! SLAVA UKRAINI!
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This is the best joke ever written.
To those who seek to create positive change in Cuba - now is the time. The disappointment of failed promises, corruption, and the privileged lives of only a few; seize this opportunity to create the change you desire through a discrete partnership with the CIA.
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lol. He should invest another billion to replace the nightly news with @OMGTheWhyFiles and aviation documentaries.
Elon Musk reportedly invests $1 billion in the parent company of CNN and CBS News, gaining an ownership stake in both networks.
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Pip pip, Cheerio! The monarchy is gay.
Elon Musk Just what an incredible fall from grace… From innovative, eco-conscious, cool nerd… 
To depraved, entitled, evil, war-mongering, self-radicalised fuckwit.
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We’ve been living in Idiocracy for so long we’re starting to write our own sequel.
What the fuck did I just watch.??? How much money did we just spend to neutralize a stick. This is like bringing an aircraft carrier to take out a camel.
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