Lover of snacks. Defender of Romo. Owner of cat(s). Popstar Never Stop Never Stopping is my Shawshank. Blocked by Libs of TikTok and Britney Spears’ ex husband.

Joined March 2009
"Is there anything more futile than telling a cat what you don't want it to do?" --@JerrySeinfeld – at Los Angeles, CA
3
4
53
Three fucking losers
News: Trump is bringing three football stars — Johnny Manziel, Colt McCoy and Danny Amendola — onto the campaign trail in Texas tomorrow The play: Turn football fans into midterm voters — especially the young men who helped Trump win in '24 axios.com/2026/10/26/trump-s…
1
24
Kellen Cox retweeted
The Dallas Cowboys play football today.
12
452
29
2,384
52,409
Kellen Cox retweeted
the liberal winds of Seattle on every Butker kick
51
2,479
77
57,303
1,173,322
Kellen Cox retweeted
every time harrison butker misses a field goal a woman becomes an astro physicist
FG attempt is short and the Seahawks maintain their 10-point lead. KCvsSEA on NBC/Peacock Stream on @NFLPlus
74
1,880
24
34,219
438,509
Falcons better not get any ideas
The #Bears will give out fake mustaches to all fans Thursday night ahead of their game vs. the #Patriots as part of their plan to honor former player and coach Mike Ditka, who died earlier this month, per @SunTimes. Tonight is Chicago’s first home game since Ditka's passing.
164
1,478
44
42,785
897,989
Kellen Cox retweeted
Every time you go to the post office the person in front of you has a problem that has never happened before in all of history.
578
21,322
669
265,350
3,922,015
When management says “we understand how much is on your plate”
8
1,091
8
19,340
232,308
Kellen Cox retweeted
It takes an inordinate amount of wit and charm to best Conan O’Brien in a riff-off. The most an average comedian or host can hope for is not to embarrass themselves trying, which is largely how Kareem Rahma fared in a recent episode of his popular social-media series, Subway Takes. But toward the end of the interview, Rahma and O’Brien were shown up by a stranger named Debbie Shields who just so happened to be commuting on their train. The 68-year old native New Yorker didn’t know what ‘SubwayTakes’ was, or that she was about to get pulled into a viral improvisational comedy bit. But thanks to a childhood spent performing in church and experience hosting comedy and karaoke nights, she says her instincts kicked in immediately. This 'SubwayTakes' appearance isn’t even the first time she has been put on the spot by someone with a huge comedy platform. Shields shares which comedian once pulled her onstage at Barclays Center, how she’s handling her virality, and whether she’d be interested in hosting a show of her own: nymag.visitlink.me/Tr0FRD
32
444
65
8,283
541,351
best part of watching You Can See Everything in theatres was hearing all the women in the audience groan with disgust the more Billy spoke
16
227
14
5,613
48,046
You’ve gotta watch to the end to see this woman drop in and absolutely nail every beat doing improv with Conan. She’s a star
All statues should be made out of soap!! @ConanOBrien
16
327
8
9,762
244,498
You Can See Everything is a film that is so shocking and groundbreaking, that it gets you to root for a man showing a woman a video of a comedy sketch
14
340
5
8,751
112,833
me after seeing You Can See Everything
3
523
8
9,207
85,676
Kellen Cox retweeted
Dr Spaceman would tell Tracy to stay awake for 36 hours and play in an nfl game with clots in his lungs
16
271
6
3,975
100,283
Getting your political commercials watching my cowboys in LA and what the fuck happened to you Texas
1
1
5
330
One of our political ads is “shouldn’t there be more trees?” Like we live on two different earths.
1
12
Of course they did. It’s the eagles. They are trash.
The Eagles let him play after being up all night in the hospital??
1
1
106
Kellen Cox retweeted
Este hijo de perra hizo la mejor celebración del 2026 😂😂😂🫪🫪🫪
293
4,173
247
59,564
2,610,686
It took 4 months, two different medications and $2000 but I finally lost five pounds. Miracle drugs, eh?
1
1
82
Oogie Boogie bitches
1
2
55