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Last night a rose did bloom in my secret garden. It has charcoal black petals and thorns covered by blood. Its petals sheened like leather under the moonlight.
Me, tired and just wanting to sleep...
My brain: "Imagine if we had to lay and incubate our own eggs. Would that be better than giving birth?"
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
We created indoor plumbing and put a man on the moon, so why can't we get people to stop replying-all to emails?
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
Sorry I'm late the urge to not even move a single muscle in my body today was strong
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
My fortune cookie fortune:
___________________________
| |
| *ʀᴇᴘʟᴀᴄᴇ ᴛᴏɴᴇʀ* |
|__________________________|
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
It scared me not to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
In fact, there was no need to panic; it was just the lightbulb that had burned out.😰💡
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
If it turns out that there is a heaven and hell, I'm screwed. I owe people money in both places.
Samantha STEPHEN retweeted
You know porn isn't real because they don't check to make sure the pizza toppings are right first.









