Fake Mark Driscoll

I know Mars Hill is losing a few members but would some of you stop using the word 'shrinkage?'

If you are a man and choose the middle stall of an empty three stall bathroom then you are, theologically speaking, a psychopath.

Jesus had a public relations group too but unfortunately they were hairy, homeless, and sometimes smelled of fish.

God will choose you even with all the sins, the scars, and the blemishes. Like a divine hand choosing a brownie with nuts all over it.

Word has it my books are flying off the shelf at Lifeway.

Acts 29, let me first say I think we can fix this by talking it through. If that doesn't work then let's have a bench press challenge.

Salvation is knowing even your good is bad, and your bad is bad. And also bad because now you know you are no good at knowing you are bad.

I sent one of my elders into the crowd of protestors Sunday. I haven't heard from him since.

My haters are like sandpaper. Scratch me and I'll just get smoother. Symbolically speaking of course cause I still have lots of man hair.

I apologize for the choices I made and not doing what I knew was best...which was going with the name, Edward Longshanks instead.

Is parachuting over Sunday's protesters with a "Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God" banner considered a form of plagiarism?

I'll be giving away free hotdogs, beer, waffles, t-shirts, books, candy, and movie tickets about three blocks over from MH on Sunday morning

Parachuting in. “@MarsHillExposed: @NotDriscoll When is your next scheduled public appearance? I hear you won't be in Bellevue on Sunday?

I almost got in touch with my feminine side today. But I immediately exercised my God-given authority over her.

Ok, that's two resigning elders that have told me they are starting a sanctuary for injured and abused dolphins. Not buying it.