Big Bird’s friends refusing to believe in Mr. Snuffleupagus introduced stress and anxiety into my life at an early age, so thanks for that, Sesame Street.

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Bandersnaaatch · Nov 8, 2021 · 5:21 PM UTC

Brother Ben retweeted

Bandersnaaatch@Bandersnaaatch8 Nov 2021

Cats know nothing of daylight savings… they just think I’m late with breakfast. Again.

Shade 5 🎬 · Dec 31, 2019 · 1:39 PM UTC

Brother Ben retweeted

Shade 5 🎬@Shader7031 Dec 2019

Not big on resolutions but I’m going to do everything I can to get back into those pants again. I’m talking about your pants.

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𝓶♡ · Dec 30, 2021 · 7:38 PM UTC

Brother Ben retweeted

𝓶♡@Love_bug101630 Dec 2021

dear 2022, let this be the year we laugh more, fuck more, and mentally struggle less

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💀SpookyLittleComic👻 · Dec 30, 2021 · 8:01 PM UTC

Brother Ben retweeted

💀SpookyLittleComic👻@CunniLinguist7730 Dec 2021

I got a souvenir from the museum. Not the gift shop. They have really good toilet paper.

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Nuclear Pasta · Dec 30, 2021 · 2:19 PM UTC

Brother Ben retweeted

Nuclear Pasta@nuclearpasta_30 Dec 2021

[AT WORK] Coworker # 1: Good morning!! Me: [*Swipes left] Coworker # 2: Guess what I’m doing this weekend? Me: [*Swipes left] Coworker # 3: Can I get you coffee and a donut? Me: [*Swipes right]

SondraDee · Feb 26, 2016 · 4:33 PM UTC

Brother Ben retweeted

SondraDee@SondraDeeMe26 Feb 2016

When my boyfriend gives me a hug during an argument, it looks loving, but I'm just patting him down to make sure he's not wearing a wire.

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Luz Joy · Dec 30, 2021 · 4:53 AM UTC

Brother Ben retweeted

Luz Joy@LuzJoy230 Dec 2021

I want to be this little snowflake that twirls in the wind. Then melt in a mountain stream and travel from river to river to the ocean to hear the sweet song of the mermaids.

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