@SleepEatScream

https://xitter.cf/t.co/x5qlUZk4g8

 🇨🇦
Joined June 2025
  • Tweets62.9K
  • Following624
  • Followers1.9K
297Media
You can’t change people and their crazy but you can definitely keep your distance from it.
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A guy in a cloak with sharp fangs keeps knocking on the door, asking to be invited inside. I told him not without an offering of cheese.
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I got errands to run today but first *sips from mug*
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Privacy is power, what people don’t know about you they can’t ruin.
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It doesn't matter if you rt me or not. I'm going to rt you whether you like it or not. The nots have spoken
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Jen retweeted
Jö$h@JoshKing213h
jerking off to space and time
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Jen retweeted
Jö$h@JoshKing220h
How many times do you need to put the lotion in basket to get the genie to pop-out and make you a serial killer?
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My son has started making pizza bagels every day for breakfast. He’s a genius and I feel like I’ve wasted my life
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At the barbershop and the barber next to me started harmonizing as soon as the Mariah Carey song started, and then sang along with whole song. You could tell that song MEANT something to him.
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I wonder if the new bananas see the old, rotten bananas from last week still sitting there and lose all hope
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I've been in corn mazes that were easier to navigate than most airport bathrooms
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Them: You are destroying your life. Me: Yes! I know what I’m doing, and I’m really good at it.
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She: Today is International Archaeology Day. Me: So let us dig out all the buried hatches.
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just letting you guys know i hate working out and i don’t even do that much lol
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"There's been a struggle here." - detective inspecting the chair where I put my socks on
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Y'all still think they give a fuck about us. Laugh out loud.
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Ppl that pay too much attention to other ppl's business should be shot on site. I said what I said
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Jen retweeted
D@SaveASpot4me20m
We all have that one person we missed out on that haunts us.
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Hubby has been in a bad mood the past couple of days. I think him and his girlfriend had a fight.
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Do guys like it when a woman puts a dab of perfume behind her ears?
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Just said out loud, as a little reminder, to myself: “you’re the only one inside your head dude”. Because I am totally normal like that.
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