@mentalpause1

The glass is half-full AND half-empty. I can be in 2 places at the same time. This rabbit hole never ends

 Surfside
Joined August 2018
  • Tweets68.3K
  • Following1.5K
  • Followers4.1K
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Dark chocolate is just regular chocolate with secrets that you don't want to know about
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F: Favorite era to be alive in? M: The era where we still hibernated after we evolved from bears.. It's like, don't talk to me for 3 months
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liaa@_provisionalllOct 26
dating an ex again is called??
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David 🎃@DBStoner23h
I have some awesome tweets in my drafts. But I'm saving those for Xmas. So today you get this.
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SciPi@SciPiHarveyOct 26
Please don’t put Almond Joys in my kids Halloween bucket…. I don’t eat those
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Am I the fucker or the fuckee in this scenario
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I guess I'm not going to become famous like I thought. Well, at least for a non-criminal reason. That's still in play.
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machine pun jelly👹@iamvkhil2Oct 26
boobs don't solve problems, but they do make you forget what the problem was.
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Romantic date ideas like scheduling dual colonoscopies
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I have Schrödinger’s temper - it is both there and not there until tested.
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Everything is mortally subjective now. Like your morals are superior to mine? 🤣🤣🤣
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H: I don't get it M: Yeah, that's bc ur a fb person!
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I don't really do comedy anymore but your mom was pretty fucking funny last night
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Isn't it better to stay out of the way of an asshole, than to be in the way of an asshole? - Mentalpause 3.1?
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liaa@_provisionalllOct 25
3 words better than “i love you"?
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I love it when they toast my buns
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Don't worry, the worst of me is yet to come
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Cat From Nowhere
@kv8Oct 25
Dedicating the rest of the evening to lying around, being statuesque and whatnot. wyd.
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CoCo@unhingebingeOct 25
Sometimes you have to let people go so they can find someone worse than you.
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If I tell you a mosquito can pull an 18 wheeler you better hook 'em up, bc we're about to become millionaires..
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You can assume everything that you want. Only 50% of it is going to be true. The other 50% is you, being a dumbass. Write that down
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