the mike (@WhatUpWithMike) header
the mike (@WhatUpWithMike) profile picture

the mike

@WhatUpWithMike

cornfed white boy 🌽

 Los Angeles
Joined September 2010
  • Tweets14.4K
  • Following2.1K
  • Followers320
'300 Items Or Fewer' - express checkout at CostCo
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To everyone that can’t be or isn’t around their family today: I’m sorry and I wish you the best. To everyone that is or has to be around their family today: I’m sorry and I wish you the best.
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i wanna know where the fuck my mom got this from
Image from the once-ler of minecraft (@sugoishiba)
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When somebody has a problem with you smooching your best friend.
Image from Dan Cassaro (@Dan_Cassaro)
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I know. I’ll run for president. I’ll make some romantic music. Everybody will get laid. And everybody will be happy again. 😀
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Fun sports fact, the Blazers and Spurs are both named after items of clothing that k.d. lang is probably wearing right now.
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me (gently nudging my wife awake): darling they did it. the republicans passed the tax bill. we can finally go public with our love my corporation wife: i am a business entity
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.@starwars what if luke just never stopped trying to go into Tosche Station? We decided to find out. youtube.com/watch?v=DhkgohG9…
SONGIFY STAR WARS, but everything goes wrong because Luke is obsessed with Tosche Station

SONGIFY STAR WARS, but everything goes wrong because Luke is obsessed with Tosche Station

For decades, Luke desperately tries to reach his favorite hangout. ...

youtube.com
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the mike retweeted
Daviad (@FakeEyes22) profile picture
Daviad@FakeEyes2216 Dec 2017
I used to be able to hate myself so good with an entire cauldron of McDonald’s fries before that villain Spurlock came around and made Super Size go away. I ask you who the real monster is.
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don’t call your unborn zygote ‘bean’
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when ur brand just gets your bizarre absurdist sense of humor
Image from the mike (@WhatUpWithMike)
/saves ~$100-$150 by having stored boxes for years & years “Who’s ‘DISTURBINGLY CHEAP’ now that I’m so EASILY able to MOVE OUT OF YOUR LIFE without BUYING a SINGLE new BOX, LINDA??”
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Yo, how is the gang doing...I'm ready to talk...r u?
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the mike retweeted
Amancé (@AmanAdwin) profile picture
Amancé@AmanAdwin1 Dec 2017
Flynn: IDK Anything FBI: we’ll offer you a plea deal if you start listing names Flynn:
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if I have to pee while washing my hands after peeing, am I having diabeetus?
just heard a man yell “NOT TODAY, JASON” at his dog
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Siri just read this out loud to my daughters. Happy Thanksgiving. xitter.gq/unholywife/status/9337…
Boofaloo (@Boofikins) profile pictureBoofaloo@Boofikins23 Nov 2017
Replying to @VancityReynolds
@VancityReynolds Dear Mr. Reynolds, may I please see your balls? Asking for a friend.
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Many ppl not realizing Youve Got MAIL a 'Thanksgiving" movie. Indie-actin' ParkerPosee in TopForm&Snarky Nora Ephrons script SHARP.A treat!
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please be aware that i truly hate myself
Image from the mike (@WhatUpWithMike)
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