Various dad jokes, bad jokes. Featured by @Buzzfeed, @TODAYshow, more. Join me at @xenndad.bsky.social . To see my tweets click ⬇️
State of Chaos
Joined August 2020
- Tweets36.7K
- Following1.4K
- Followers4K
- Likes63.4K
Pinned Tweet
oh i have to sign a permission slip for my kid to see some lemurs, but you can just send him home one day with a recorder?
[trick-or-treating]
Lady in neighborhood: Ooh, an alien! What planet are you from?
My 5yo: your anus!
time to move
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
When my 3 yo cries, it upsets my 1 yo and he starts crying too. Then my 3 yo gets more upset and screams “It’s my turn to cry!” but actually if we’re taking turns, I think I’m up?
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
doctor: your heart rate is a little high, have you exercised today?
me: does sex count?
doctor: yes
me: then no
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
I didn’t forget your birthday I just forgot today’s date.
-me, forgetting your birthday
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
On a work trip, no family to speak of, scrolling thru channels in my room and automatically stop on "Blaze & the Monster Machines" cuz that's an option that usually brings peace
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
5YO: Daddy, did you play Roblox as a kid?
8YO: *Interrupting* He didn’t have Roblox when he was kid. He would just play outside.
*Both start laughing*
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
Not sure who wants to hear this but it’s ok to throw out the registration card and manuals of your old tube TV
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
My book club kept on discussing "La Comédie Humaine" even after the air conditioning conked out. That was some sweaty Balzac
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
My dad was trying to think of an actress and his clue was "you know, from the dancing horse movie"
The actress- Debora Winger
The movie- Urban Cowboy
Yeah idk how I got that either so if you're looking for someone who can win you game night, I'm your girl
Xennaissance Dad retweeted
A near death experience but it’s just me waiting for my 7yo to pick out a souvenir
