bartholomew morristown, phD

PANIC SELL EVERYTHING

The lion does not concern himself with the tightness in his chest he feels after eating a McRib

So, uh, nothing about the economy, the war in Iran, immigration, gas prices or healthcare huh, we’re just going straight back to this shit are we?

That Iran war wasn’t a good call.

Sources are telling me that Bob Dole has won every single election

She has committed voter fraud

Did you hear the one about the Chinese politician who took Viagra before all his campaign speeches? He didn’t want to lose the erection

If you get annoyed by random unsolicited last minute political texts, just remember, they wouldn't do it if it didn't work. You share the country with people whose beliefs are literally at the whim of the last sentence they read. And their vote counts as much as yours.

Just saw an Amazon driver show up in the 20 dollar U-Haul rental van. What in tarnation is going on in the gig economy

Car still in the shop after two weeks and the perfect convertible weather is slowly slipping away

I know that Twitter is not reflective of real life because I only saw one Malfoid on Halloween

Is there any other product besides Q-tips where the intuitive, seemingly obvious use for it is something you’re not actually supposed to use it for?

All of you foul seductresses are already trying to sabotage my no nut November. Your efforts are in vain my willpower will prevail over ye lusty Jezebels

Taking my 64 gigs to the grave with me

They say drinking is just borrowing happiness from tomorrow. Well, I took out a big loan last night.

goddamn I love big fucking tits

This Halloween I will be dressed up as a really fucking drunk guy