Things to say when someone sneezes: - I don't respect you. - God can't help you. - Take that shit outside. - This is why you're alone. - Now I need a shot. - This used to be a nice neighborhood.

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SweetDee · Nov 8, 2026 · 5:47 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

SweetDee@RealUnsweetDeeNov 8

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Wereing Wolf 🐺 · Nov 8, 2026 · 11:25 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

Wereing Wolf 🐺@FoTweetsSakeNov 8

Her: I'm really into older guys. Me: (trying to impress her) Would you like a Werther’s Original?

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a random Brandon · Nov 9, 2026 · 4:07 PM UTC

a random Brandon@brandomoniumNov 9

If you question my vip status, you should know the state of Texas just asked MY opinion on alligator gar fishing regulations

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mr. joshua · Nov 8, 2026 · 5:18 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

mr. joshua

@pantsNov 8

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Goblin Moder · Nov 7, 2026 · 3:16 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

Goblin Moder

@mischiefanimalsNov 7

good morning fellas

Image from Goblin Moder (@mischiefanimals)

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tanya · Nov 7, 2026 · 12:50 AM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

tanya@Tanya_SabrinaaaNov 7

i just went to the doctor and he told me that alcohol and cocaine are bad for me ?? yet another doctor who doesn't understand women's health smh

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𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀. · Sep 20, 2026 · 3:01 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀.@im_all_idSep 20

I'm really asking a lot of these vitamins

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𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀. · Nov 6, 2026 · 5:06 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

𝗮𝗻𝗱𝘆 𝘃𝘀.@im_all_idNov 6

If I ever found a catfish was using one of my photos I'd be like wow lil buddy let's get you back in the water

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a random Brandon · Nov 6, 2026 · 4:51 PM UTC

a random Brandon@brandomoniumNov 6

That all the people are just paid actors

AdnaanJnr

@AdnaanJnrNov 2

What's the coolest Dune theory you've heard?

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safadenha · Nov 5, 2026 · 1:00 AM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

safadenha

@ousafadenhaNov 5

"Você entendeu o que eu te disse?" Minha mente:

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a random Brandon · Nov 5, 2026 · 8:29 PM UTC

a random Brandon@brandomoniumNov 5

Obvious engagement bait. The answer is yes

Andii@andiifartsNov 5

do tiddy pics actually make guys happy??

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kenzi · Nov 5, 2026 · 2:15 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

kenzi

@kenzianidiotNov 5

unfortunately my body cannot tell the difference between asking the woman in front of me on the plane to take her hair off of my lap and being dangled over a volcano

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Rae ☥ ⋆｡𖦹°‧★ · Nov 3, 2026 · 10:17 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

Rae ☥ ⋆｡𖦹°‧★@ordomortemNov 3

Petplay but I’m a fat beagle and you keep hiding my treats AUGHHHH AUGHHHHH AUGGGGG

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Rob DenBleyker · Nov 4, 2026 · 3:50 AM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

Rob DenBleyker@RobDenBleykerNov 4

many of y'all pledged to post hole if red states turned blue, and the eyes of a hopeful nation are now upon you

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Eddie Vega · Nov 4, 2026 · 1:05 PM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

Eddie Vega@ElTacolicoNov 4

Texas is now under Selena Law. You will baila esta cumbia at the HEB (all grocery stores will be now be HEB) People will be treated como la flor (con tanto amor) Children will study fotos y recuerdos of actual history Make sure your car gets that carcacha sticker

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a random Brandon · Nov 4, 2026 · 2:51 PM UTC

a random Brandon@brandomoniumNov 4

The blue wave out there materialized, but the boob wave on here did not

🪩 · Nov 4, 2026 · 3:09 AM UTC

a random Brandon retweeted

🪩@oatmilkrryNov 4

If Gina hinojosa wins I’m buying everyone a pack of HEB butter tortillas

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