Brooding YA Hero

On your first day at a new school you should: -make one new best friend (to be ditched by chapter 5) -have one clumsy moment -meet your nemesis -exchange meaningful eye contact with at least one handsome, mysterious dude -discover PLOT -inform the reader how average you are

When you transfer to a new high school, you'll meet: -an overly helpful new best friend -a quirky teacher -some secret or plot point only you can resolve -a very attractive guy -his very evil girlfriend -some other guy who also likes you That's it. That's the whole high school

Why would I bother to explain the plot to you when our book is going to end on a cliffhanger anyway?

What if instead of having a conversation we just stare at each other and think of really pretty metaphors about starlight/potatoes/drowning/fireworks until we fall in love?

No, no. I'm not a vampire, don't be silly. I'm a shadöw/darke fae/fallen-being/night sky lord/random mythological creature found on Pinterest. Basically, I'm exactly like a vampire, but only if the vampire was also Legolas.

A young woman spilled a beverage on me and now I am deeply in love with her. Please send help.

I sure am glad this quirky girl with excellent taste in music, vintage clothes, and brightly dyed hair appeared exactly when my life was lacking in direction. I'd hate to be in charge of my own character growth.

All first chapters should have: -a dream sequence -a reflective surface so you can describe yourself -an encounter with an obvious future love interest -a friend or family member who greets you by telling you things you should already know, for example, the date or your age

Everyone knows a character's foreign language knowledge is used for exactly two things: terms of endearment and curse words. Luckily, both things are readily available on Google translate, mi mucha bonita lechuga.

Ideally, there should only ever be one female character in a main character trio. This way she can be easily ignored by all the fans while still allowing the creators to take credit for creating a “groundbreaking strong female character.”

Gosh, nothing is quite as romantic as a dark-haired guy who refuses to speak to you but also growls/glares/bites any other male who speaks to you.