Reposts from @factcheckingcuz | teapawt

having fun online. retweeted

Frank Chips@dad_chips13 Dec 2019

the two wolves format keeps doing the rounds lupine de lupine

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having fun online. retweeted

Ally@TragicAllyHere12 Dec 2019

Seahorses look crunchy to me. I imagine biting into one would be like biting into an icecream cone. I don’t know why I’m haunted by such thoughts.

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having fun online. retweeted

milk🔻@TheSuperiorPink12 Dec 2019

when u see ps in a letter that means that’s where the writer took a piss break

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having fun online. retweeted

Cycloptomese@Cycloptomese12 Dec 2019

My wife told me that she’s replacing all the doorknobs in the house with the kind you can just “plop a boob down on” to open if your hands are full.

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having fun online. retweeted

Schmrrrlex@alexlumaga20 Oct 2019

How many turtles had to die just so you could wear a shirt made from their necks, you cozy bitches

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having fun online. retweeted

Jude Atwood@JudeAtwood10 Dec 2019

do courts allow "i am not a morning person" as a criminal defense?

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having fun online. retweeted

scotty@stankysausages11 Dec 2019

australian porn be like croikey mate that’s a big cock

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having fun online. retweeted

Buddawiggi@MarkBuckawicki9 Dec 2019

So you’re telling me this infection has a staff

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having fun online. retweeted

instrumental music be like@eiiisenhower4 Dec 2019

“Oh shoot.” I say under my breath as I violently shove a handful of Cheez-Its in my mouth so I can shift into third gear.

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having fun online. retweeted

the brother@brotherslop6 Dec 2019

if you are depressed, you are living in the past. if you are anxious, you are living in the future. if you are at horny, come around to my house.

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having fun online. retweeted

Jack Boot@IamJackBoot4 Dec 2019

When I feel sad, unwanted, untalented and blue I just tell myself, "sad and blue are the same thing. You're padding this list dick head."

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having fun online. retweeted

Nathan@2Fast2Nathan3 Dec 2019

I’m thankful for the Foo Fighters because I’ve never felt threatened by a foo and that means they’re doing a heck of a job on the frontlines

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having fun online. retweeted

blakey@radladblake4 Dec 2019

to any cute girls i DM i just want you to know im absolutely terrified the whole time. shaking

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having fun online. retweeted

soul nate@MNateShyamalan1 Dec 2019

carolers: now bring us some figgy pudding me: *googling “whats figgy pudding”* carolers: bring us some figgy pudding me: *frantically checking ingredients* ok hold on i‘m try- caroler: *stepping out of my refrigerator* we won’t go until we get some

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having fun online. retweeted

brandAn is good@LeBearGirdle3 Dec 2019

I'm glad rich people keep all the money. What would my poor ass even do with $1 billion? Buy all the cows and put them in a bouncy castle? Maybe

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having fun online. retweeted

Indy@IndecisiveJones3 Dec 2019

Slightly disappointed napkins have nothing to do with sleeping.

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having fun online. retweeted

fightgeek@fightgeek2 Dec 2019

i want huge car salesman teeth. but just for smiling at people on the bus

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having fun online. retweeted

SerenaDee@kidnapped_jesus2 Dec 2019

I was going down an escalator and some dude got on the step RIGHT BEHIND ME and I've never felt so close to death what a rush

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having fun online. retweeted

miss moss ball (i’m/HER)@rissaoffline28 Nov 2019

part of my brain wants to be married with 1.5 kids, part of my brain wants 3 tattoos and a nose piercing, and part of my brain wants to lay under my weighted blanket until i disintegrate. but what do I really want? a LOBOTOMY

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having fun online. retweeted

Annie the Nanny@AnnietheNanny123 Dec 2018

My aunt dropped by unexpectedly and when she knocked on the door, instead of barking, my dog tried to jump in the lit fireplace and I’ve never felt so on the same level as anything ever.

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