licensed psychotherapist. living life. figuring life out.
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If you have ADHD, learn about limerence.
It is an intense, involuntary fixation on someone that can feel exactly like extraordinary love. You think about them constantly, crave their reciprocation, and gradually begin organising your emotional world around their presence.
Words are beautiful, particularly when they give voice to what we hope for. But their beauty means very little when reality refuses to reflect them.
Someone promising to love you well is not the same as being loved well. Someone promising to be careful with your heart is not the same as feeling emotionally safe with them.
Learn to distinguish between what people say they intend to do and what their actions consistently demonstrate. Promises tell you what someone wants you to believe. Patterns tell you what you have reason to believe.
Underrated mental health advice: Prioritise your sleep.
You’d be surprised by how much quality sleep influences your mental and emotional wellbeing. When you’re well-rested, you’re often better able to regulate your emotions, manage stress, concentrate and respond to life’s frustrations without feeling completely overwhelmed.
Poor sleep, on the other hand, can leave you more irritable, emotionally reactive and vulnerable to distractions. So, please, don’t underestimate the value of those extra hours of rest. You don’t always need to push harder or do. What you need is to give your mind and body the opportunity to recover.
Life will try to tame you, shrink you, bend you, and pummel you into impossible shapes. But you must refuse to be an 'extra' in your own story.
Top relationship tip: grill each other about parenting before you tie the knot. Hash out your parenting styles, how you'll share the load, when each of you gets a break and everything in between. That way, you don’t end up with someone who makes you see children as a punishment.
My husband told me in August he can't handle our kids for two days. I had told him about a girls weekend I got invited to. He can't handle them for more than a few hours at a time.
Tonight I told him I'm going. I'll prep meals for him to eat while I'm gone. I told him he needed to talk to his mom and arrange extra help if he needed it. This is something I need. I'm not going to let him change my mind. I already informed his mom and made her aware of whats going on.
Psychologically, criticism can feel like a threat to the self, particularly when we have invested our identity in what we create. We can mistake “this could be better” for “you are not good enough,” and suddenly we are defending our worth rather than examining the work.
If you’re new here, welcome. I’m Dedoyin, an integrative psychotherapist. I lost my previous account at 54,000 followers, so I’m rebuilding this little corner of the internet from scratch.
If thoughtful and practical mental health conversations are your thing, stay around.
I’m also currently welcoming new therapy clients. To enquire, email [email protected].
Please note that people without ADHD can experience limerence too. It’s just more intense and common with ADHDers. If you recognise the pattern in yourself, the label is secondary to understanding what is actually happening.
