Dedoyin

TW: ‼️ Self harm, SA, Abuse,etc. Exactly one year ago, I tried to kill myself. It was the realest and most gruesome attempt ever at suicide, because I meant it, and I was ready to go. Ready for all of it to end, ready to disappear into nothingness, and ready for my story to be the girl who tried her best but didn’t wait to see if the results would come in. A year later, I’m still here. Saved only because a friend paid a surprise visit and found me almost gone. My life as I know it, is one of the most chaotic and traumatic things you could possibly imagine. I’ve been through the worst things in the books: rape, abuse, violence, a dysfunctional home, traumatic accidents, friendship and familial abuse and neglect, etc. Last year, I finally broke down. It finally all caught up with me, and I decided to seek medical help. We went through scans, consultations, psych rounds, etc. and after all that, I was put on a round of medications that were supposed to make things alright. So I went back home. But one day, I looked at my life. I was deep in debt from seeking help for this thing I had no hand in doing to myself, I was weak all the time, my brain was fighting me, and I chose to end it all. Much hasn’t changed truly. But I have a new doctor, new meds, and I’m hoping I have a new outlook on life that at least makes me want to stay. The people I care about, the people whose lives I’ve bettered, the people who stand by me through it all, they deserve that I try. And so I will. September is suicide awareness month, and this is my story. I hope you choose to stay, and I hope you choose to fight, and I hope you choose to see life through all the available lenses before you go when the time is right. Here’s my semi colon. I’m trying again.