Husband & Father ×3 | Always learning | Writing about work, family, health & intentional living at https://xitter.cf/t.co/GBQ7sMEJ7S | Opinions mine

Joined May 2008
Ryan Stephens retweeted
It's easy to convince yourself that life will slow down after the next promotion, the next project, or the next big milestone. But there's always another one. At some point, you have to stop treating the life you're living as a waiting room for the life you want.
8
2
18
1,426
Ryan Stephens retweeted
Move to a city where your neighbors wave at you, there's block parties in the cul-de-sac, you know half the people in the restaurant on Friday night, your kids make life long friends in Little League, and everyone looks out for each other.
43
87
18
1,108
Ryan Stephens retweeted
Me after sleeping on the uncomfortable couch in the hospital after my wife gives birth
301
5,577
537
76,872
14,286,763
Ryan Stephens retweeted
The dishes are in the sink because people ate. The shoes are by the door because people came home. The toys are scattered everywhere because people were happy. Some of the mess is proof of a good life. Stay grateful.
252
5,740
198
39,431
733,285
Ryan Stephens retweeted
The Sandlot has the single greatest vision of American life ever put on film. This scene is what it’s all about. 🇺🇸
436
8,155
485
65,007
4,450,384
Ryan Stephens retweeted
don’t know how to explain Texas properly… It feels like America turned up to maximum settings.
445
517
83
9,022
165,457
Ryan Stephens retweeted
Babies are the best. I can't believe I ever bought any of the anti-natalist propaganda when I was young. You'll never be ready. Have the baby anyway. Then have many more.
38
57
4
975
19,418
Ryan Stephens retweeted
If you want to "raise a D1 athlete" here's what works: 1. Stop trying to raise a D1 athlete Support your kid. Let them play whatever they want to play. Drive them to practice But it's got to come from them. They've got to want it. You can't force it. 2. Have great genetics
132
103
26
1,936
444,798
Ryan Stephens retweeted
"If I told you there was one free thing you could do every Sunday that would make your kids happier, healthier, smarter, and closer to you, you'd think I was selling something." Take your kids to church regularly. I don't care if you believe. The data is so lopsided that skipping it is the parenting equivalent of refusing vegetables because you don't like the taste. Grades. Religious teens get As at almost twice the rate of nonreligious teens. In a class of 100, that's 24 A-students instead of 14. Church gives a kid the same academic boost as being born rich instead of poor. College. Working-class religious kids earn bachelor's degrees at double the rate of their nonreligious peers. Middle-class kids do it at 1.5x the rate. For families without a trust fund, this is one of the most powerful forms of upward mobility social scientists have measured. Character. Religious teens are far less likely to lie, cheat, or do things they hope their parents never find out about. They're more likely to care about racial equality, the elderly, and the poor. They reject the idea that morality is whatever works for you in the moment. That kind of kid doesn't happen by accident. It's built. Closeness. 60% of parents of religious teens say they feel "extremely close" to their kid, compared to 50% of nonreligious parents. The kids report the same thing back. They get along better with their parents, talk about hard stuff, and actually want to spend time with their family. Despair. Religious teens are dramatically less likely to be depressed, anxious, lonely, or feel that life is meaningless. 90% of devoted religious teens never binge drink, compared to 41% of the disengaged. Economists named the modern epidemic "deaths of despair." Regular church attendance is one of the strongest known buffers against it. Parents are spending fortunes trying to solve teen mental health. The most evidence-backed intervention is free. Purpose. Religious young adults report higher purpose, gratitude, life satisfaction, and resilience. These are the exact traits every parent says they want their kid to have. Here's why it works. Affluent families already surround their kids with networks of stable, accomplished adults through neighborhoods, schools, and parents' colleagues. Working and middle-class families usually don't. A congregation is often the last institution in American life that puts your kid in weekly contact with dozens of stable, employed, sober adults who know their name. It used to be called "a village." Now it barely exists outside of churches. "But I don't believe." Your kid doesn't need your theology. They need you to show up. "But church is boring." So is sitting through a kindergarten music recital. Parenting is the deliberate choice to be bored on purpose for someone you love. There's a church within 15 minutes of nearly every American home. You don't need money, connections, or credentials to walk in. Nothing else in this country will surround your kid with engaged adults, teach them moral seriousness, and give them a stable weekly rhythm at zero cost. You already drive them to practices that produce far less. The free thing on Sunday produces more, on more dimensions, than almost anything else you do as a parent. You don't have to believe anything. You just have to take them.
168
1,375
182
7,388
776,538
Ryan Stephens retweeted
New newsletter: MODERN FATHERHOOD WOULD BE UNRECOGNIZABLE TO A 1950'S DAD Compared to their Boomer parents, childcare time among Millennial dads has more than doubled. Compared to their Silent Generation grandparents, it’s nearly quadrupled. You will be hard-pressed to find any part of day-to-day modern life that has changed more in the last half-century than the way today’s parents—and fathers, in particular—spend their time. The new American dad is more present and more exhausted—but also, more satisfied with life. What's behind this half-century transformation? Today's piece combines history, economic analysis, and gorgeous charts galore from @AzizSunderji
194
820
247
6,675
2,645,387
Ryan Stephens retweeted
Literally just having a delusional golden retriever mindset measurably changes outcomes and physiology. Sleep badly? Convince yourself you're well rested. Stressful day? Convince yourself it's fuel. Failed? Convince yourself it's useful data.
411
3,372
785
31,771
10,146,675
The greatest blessing a man can receive in life is to have a great father And whether or not he has such a father, the greatest gift he can give to his own children is to be one for them In comparison to that, nothing else matters very much
27
147
8
1,507
33,283
Parents - put your phones out of sight when you’re with your kids. I really mean this. Especially at home. Treat it like a landline and “hang it up” in one place. (Wife and I have a little holder for them in the kitchen) When you need to check it, go over to where it’s placed and look at it, then walk away. Do not carry it around like a digital pacifier. Be present without it in sight. I guarantee this will make a huge impact on their childhood experience.
121
1,930
179
23,579
2,422,170
Ryan Stephens retweeted
Do real, hard things. It's an antidote for emptiness and existential distress.
6
103
9
1,239
66,795
Ryan Stephens retweeted
High-agency people seem to have this weird immunity to embarrassment. Getting rejected? Not embarrassing, that’s just data collection. Looking naive? Not embarrassing, that’s just information asymmetry you’re fixing. Breaking minor social rules? Not embarrassing, most rules are just Schelling points anyway. What would be embarrassing to them is not trying. That’s the thing they can’t live with.
High-agency people genuinely believe that reality is negotiable in a "there are always more levers to pull" way. It's about having this bone-deep conviction that if you keep poking at something from different angles, eventually something will give.
76
619
59
6,420
609,325
We’re being told this country is broken beyond repair. And then this happens. An American Olympic gold medalist, bloodied and grinning, wrapped in the Stars and Stripes, after decades of waiting, sacrifice, and belief, reminding the world what it looks like when America rises again. 🇺🇸 Two kids on a quiet sidewalk, watching Artemis II tear through the sky, like history reaching forward and backward at once, reminding us we are still the nation that dares to go farther. 🚀 And an American Air Force colonel, shot down over enemy territory, alone in the mountains of Iran for 48 hours, hunted, wounded, waiting, And America came for him anyway. Through the dark. Through the risk. Through the fire. Because we don’t leave our own. Same year. Same country. Not spin. Not noise. This is real. They can keep selling division. They can keep feeding the noise. But this? This is different. This is who we are when it matters. Not perfect. Not polished. But still capable of courage. Still capable of wonder. Still capable of loyalty. The darkness is loud right now. But the light? The light doesn’t ask permission. It just shows up. GOD BLESS AMERICA 🇺🇸❤️ HAPPY EASTER 💜
1,025
8,229
404
34,901
481,846
Ryan Stephens retweeted
Replying to @conor64
Offhand — * Vacillation on masks, with abundant motivated reasoning in every case. * Promulgation of made-up thresholds with no evidentiary basis (e.g. 6 feet). * Authoritarian delight in nanny state intrusiveness (policing the beach and such). * 180 on many issues around BLM. * Lack of effective response from science funding bodies. * Denial of aerosolized transmission. * Changing of trial readouts so that they’d occur after the election. (Confirmed to me by senior OWS officials.) * Crazy criteria for vaccine distribution. * Adamant insistence on vaccine efficacy beyond what was supported by data. * Almost complete lack of follow-through on OWS (on pan-variant vaccines). I’m sure there are more, but those are the ones that stick out.
177
567
91
7,994
778,969
We are overstimulated and we don't even notice. Netflix while eating. Reels in the bathroom. Music while cooking. Podcasts on walks. We consume by default, not by intention. You keep filling every gap, then wonder why you feel foggy and unmotivated. Boredom and silence are the real growth drivers. They give you space to think and create. That's when solutions show up for problems that have been stuck for months. Leave some room.
501
9,666
418
62,212
2,366,536
Ryan Stephens retweeted
I’m increasingly convinced that anxiety feeds on idleness. You’re anxious because you’re not doing anything. When you take action, you starve anxiety of the oxygen it needs to survive. The answer is found in the action.
244
353
20
3,972
137,804
Ryan Stephens retweeted
Most of our lives are quietly spent chasing external validation, approval from strangers, institutions, audiences, and abstractions, because it feels measurable, visible, and rewarding. In contrast, the people closest to us, parents, partners, children, friends, offer no scoreboard. Their presence becomes familiar, predictable, and therefore dangerously easy to take for granted. We assume time is abundant, affection is permanent, and opportunities to show care will always return. So we postpone effort at home while exhausting ourselves proving worth elsewhere. Only when someone leaves, through distance, silence, or death, does the illusion break. Then the imbalance becomes painfully clear: how much energy we spent being admired, and how little we invested in being present, and that regret doesn't leave you after that.
Hit me with the harshest reality of life
117
1,542
41
10,034
584,525