A writer, a dreamer, a philosopher, a caring father, a loving husband & 13 other frightened individuals have filed restraining orders against me. Let me love u
Joined May 2009
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Can somebody confirm the rumors I'm hearing about how the Coronavirus causes a steady reduction in penis size because it feels like I've had it for the last 3 years
Still in jail for playing Queen's bohemian rhapsody exactly 24 seconds past 11:56pm because the neighbors called the police when they heard "BISMILLAH" as the NYE fireworks went up
Siddhartha retweeted
have u ever beaten someone for not standing up at national anthem then realised they're on a wheelchair then beaten them for being disabled
Me: eid mubarak Abdul bhai
Abdul: thanks bhai vaise is baar eid nahi manayi kyunki abba abhi tak ICU me hain aur ammi
Me: wo sab chhod biryani kahan khila raha hai saale
Eid mubarak to everyone except the Muslim kid in the surf excel ad who used a girl as a human shield to protect himself during holi. You are everything that's wrong with our society
Siddhartha retweeted
Group texts:
Diwali- happy diwali everyone!
Holi-happy holi everyone!
Christmas-merry xmas everyone!
Eid- eid mubarak ali, fatima & bilal⭐️🌙
Jain girls taking diksha at age 12 while jain boys are busy selling their grandfathers' cancer medicines to fund their PUBG addiction is another proof men are complete trash
Don't care about Durex giving hot takes on how men should have sex until they start making condoms of my size or at least provide extra rubber band to secure the grip of their baggy condoms. Give me a slim fit and then we can take the conversation further
Modiji [addressing the crowd]: lund fakeer, bhonsadpappu, tattibaaz, chutpakode, tumhare jhaat jalake gote ki sabzi
Bodyguard [nervously whispering in his ear]: Sir this is the swearing-in ceremony, the swearing ceremony is tomorrow
Modiji: o bhendi
I know we have a lot to work on but feminists who keep telling men that losing fat in the inner thighs makes their penis look bigger need to also tell them how this causes diminishing sperm production & constant pain in the testicles due to reduced cushioning for the scrotal sack
Finally gathered the courage to come out as Modi supporter to my dad and he started crying and said he knew it the day he saw "amit shah bikini pics" on laptop's search history but didn't say anything because I pay the broadband bill
Pretty irresponsible of sprinter Dutee Chanda to publicly announce her same sex relationship. How am I supposed to explain this to my kids? What 10 year old would understand the existence of female sprinters?
Me [on fb]: this shot from GoT is so beautiful that it needs to be taught in any film studies class
First year professor: tu wahi hai na jo physics course ke feedback form me "mera lund kaat do but portion kam karwa do" likha tha bhadwe