kierstin (@tapewormhost) header
kierstin (@tapewormhost) profile picture

kierstin

@tapewormhost

Waiting for the day Martha Stewart finally challenges me to hand-to-hand combat.

 Rivendell
Joined June 2016
  • Tweets2.8K
  • Following109
  • Followers156
I am a jar of Newman’s Own mild salsa and life is the suburban mom serving me at the annual PTA party
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#TheGlueOnTheEnvelopeTastesPrettyGoodThisYear
margaret (@mags_mclaugh) profile picturemargaret@mags_mclaughNov 3
Image from margaret (@mags_mclaugh)
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,𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗯𝗮𝗺𝗮 𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝗼𝗻 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘀
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That horrible sharp Nosferatu tooth in the Keurig machine, biting the poor defenseless Keurig pod. Upsetting.
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lolt64🕵️ (@lolt64) profile picture
lolt64🕵️@lolt64Oct 27
i fear none of us may survive the fury of dracula bro
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too late, i have already depicted myself as 6 orderly barn owls and you as 4 shambolic kestrels
Alan Ball (@alanball101) profile pictureAlan Ball@alanball10126 Jun 2025
Its the poorest year for owls this year, due to lack of food, and I have ringed only a hundred of each of Barn Owls and Kestrels. So a big surprise on the Humber Bank to find 6 Barn Owl and 4 Kestrel chicks in the same nestbox ...and with uneaten prey items too!
Image from Alan Ball (@alanball101)
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👇 𝐌𝐲 𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐮𝐦 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐢𝐯𝐞𝐝 💀 🙏 ---->🦠 𝓢𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓮
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katie dey (@katie_dey) profile picture
katie dey@katie_deyOct 18
Image from katie dey (@katie_dey)
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Some of you
Image from Bog Boy (@TheSilverSphere)
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okay (@chasedbywasps) profile picture
okay@chasedbywaspsOct 8
doctor says I ain't got a human soul. it's orangertang or some shit
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if we are eating cinnamon rolls together and you see my boner just mind your business
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Image from mir.i.am #PrayForSnooki (@moll11y)
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Man I need a cup of serious mud brother. HH
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dack (@kcadbackwards) profile picture
dack@kcadbackwardsSep 22
Salacious Obama: Now Let Me B. Crumb
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Dillon (@lLikeEatingPoop) profile picture
Dillon@lLikeEatingPoopSep 21
Don’t give a fuck no more
Image from Dillon (@lLikeEatingPoop)
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"We're here. Let me help you out" "Ok... Be careful Im dry and brittle" "I know sweetie" "Ok... I love the ocean" "I know sweetie watch your feet"
Image from PHENOMENON ALIEN 96100 96584-18589 005 IBEON 9112 (@3DGlyptics)
Image from PHENOMENON ALIEN 96100 96584-18589 005 IBEON 9112 (@3DGlyptics)
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You ever meet someone and you just Know they Always had to be the dog when playing House as a Kid
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Fawf (@BravoFawf) profile picture
Fawf@BravoFawfSep 19
my wife smoked when she was pregnant and now our son’s eyes have to flip up from his head like a miata
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Mariella ! (@pfaffphobic) profile picture
Mariella !@pfaffphobicSep 13
Image from Mariella ! (@pfaffphobic)
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Liste (@endliste) profile picture
Liste@endlisteSep 1
(unable to conceive the letter “ ” after my mind injury) ME: They call it parkling water becau you can park it but only a little. ? THE ERPENT: Hi !
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dolo (@doloyeung) profile picture
dolo@doloyeungAug 22
Me: Bring out the waitress who called me a gamer freak yesterday. I want her to apologize again Long John Silver's manager: Sir, she's not back there Tutorial voice in my head: Close one eye to enable pirate vision. By enabling pirate vision you can see scallywags through walls
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