Martin King - FirstPort MD (Parody)

£18,000 profit for making one phone call! Cha-ching!

Proud to mention that we at FirstPort fleeced residents of £80,000 for doing sweet FA. That's how we roll...

We love Labour! Vote Labour! Our scam continues...

Extortion is what we do. We're unstoppable! MPs are weak and secretly support us - hence the scam continues. Chin chin!

And I'm sending a very clear message to you plebs: your words will never stop us!

Thank you for meeting with us - I truly appreciate your feedback. We will be more honest in future, this will start with a corporate re-brand and new logo. Thank you so much, Mr Reed!

So now FirstPort is being accused of fraud and criminal behaviour! Ridiculous! We deny all charges and continue to provide exceptional customer service and great value.

Mps are all talk. Our scam continues. Onwards and upwards! Chin Chin!