These young people keep hollerin’, “We’re broke!” No, you ain’t broke, you’re just stupid with money! I see y’all on social media, cryin’ about how “rent’s too high” while you’re drinkin’ a $9 caramel drizzle oat milk frappuccino with extra foam and your phone’s newer than my truck! You got the iPhone 27 Ultra Plus Infinity or whatever they’re on now, but you can’t afford toilet paper. They say, “We can’t afford a house.” Well maybe if you stopped orderin’ DoorDash like it’s a food group, you could save a little down payment money. Y’all treat DoorDash drivers like they’re your personal butlers. You’re payin’ $40 for a burrito and tip the guy who dropped it off more than your grandma gets in Social Security! Back in my day, when we said we were broke, we meant broke. I’m talkin’ digging change outta the couch to buy ramen, broke. I once paid for gas with quarters, nickels, and a Canadian coin I tried to sneak by. That’s broke. Y’all say “I’m broke” but you got designer sneakers, fresh nails, and a weekend trip planned to Nashville with matching outfits and that stupid Lainey Wilson hat. And every time you say, “I’m so broke,” it’s while you’re holdin’ a coffee drink that costs more than a steak dinner used to. They’ll have an app for budgeting, right? And the app’ll send ‘em a notification sayin’, “You’ve spent too much money this week.” And instead of listenin’, they go, “Well that’s rude” and delete it! You don’t need financial advice, you need your mama to follow you around with a wooden spoon and whack you every time you click ‘Add to Cart.’ I saw one girl online cryin’ about how she can’t afford groceries… while holdin’ a Stanley Cup. Not the hockey trophy, the $60 sippy cup! That thing costs more than a week of groceries if you shop right! And she’s like, “But it keeps my water cold for two days!” Girl, if you’re broke, you don’t need cold water, you need COLD hard cash! And don’t even get me started on “self-care.” Everything’s “self-care” now. “I had to buy this $400 weighted blanket, it’s for my mental health.” Well honey, your mental health would improve dramatically if your Visa card stopped cryin’ every month. They treat credit like Monopoly money. “Oh, I’ll just pay it later.” Later never comes! You’re out here payin’ interest like it’s a monthly subscription to your own bad decisions. You’re not broke you’re just livin’ way too fancy! You got champagne taste and a Ramen noodle income. And the worst part? Y’all act proud of it! “I’m just living my best life.” No, you’re living Visa’s best life. So grow up, shut up and save up!