J.R. Dobbs

🇳🇴 Norway Enters The Chat, Politely Informs World It Will Be Repossessing The United States WASHINGTON, DC, and also technically somewhere west of Reykjavik in spirit. In a calm statement delivered over a mug of black coffee and the sound of a distant wool sweater being folded with authority, the Government of Norway announced Monday that it will be taking the United States back. The decision follows what Norwegian officials described as “a confusing sequence of international property disputes,” including renewed American talk of acquiring Greenland, pressure campaigns on allies, and the general vibe of someone trying to rewrite a rental agreement with a marker. “We have reviewed the paperwork,” said a spokesperson, producing a laminated map of the North Atlantic and tapping it twice for emphasis. “And according to our records, the first Europeans to find North America did not arrive in a luxury cruise ship with a gift shop. They arrived in an unreasonably damp boat with a determined attitude. Therefore, as a matter of historical fairness, Norway will be reclaiming the United States.” Asked what Norway plans to do with the US, officials outlined a practical, step by step approach. First, a national safety inspection. “Right now the country is running hot,” said the spokesperson, noting that Norway intends to install guardrails, update the wiring, and replace several rhetorical load bearing beams that appear to have been removed for no clear reason. “We will also be introducing a national concept known as ‘outside voice’ and limiting it to reasonable hours.” Second, a cultural restoration project. Norway clarified that this is not about punishment, but about stewardship. “We keep hearing talk about Viking heritage,” the spokesperson said. “With respect, heritage is not a bumper sticker. Heritage is being able to walk outside in bad weather and still function. Heritage is eating something that did not come from a drive through window. Heritage is carrying a piece of furniture up stairs without declaring civil war.” As part of the transition, Norway will introduce a new physical fitness test for all public officials, tentatively titled “Can You Move A Reasonable Rock Without A Podcast About It.” The test has three parts: 1.A brisk walk without live commentary. 2.Carrying groceries with both hands, no rolling suitcase. 3.A ceremonial attempt to lift a moderately heavy hammer while remaining emotionally regulated. The US Department of Everything immediately issued a response saying it is “reviewing the situation,” a phrase Norway confirmed it will be replacing with “we will do it by Friday.” Meanwhile, Denmark released a short statement welcoming Norway’s interest in rules based order, adding that the Kingdom would prefer everyone stop trying to acquire large Arctic assets like they are limited edition sneakers. Norway concluded by assuring Americans that daily life will improve. “There will be healthcare that does not involve financial suspense,” said the spokesperson. “There will be paid leave. There will be fewer ads for pills that list existential dread as a side effect. And the national emergency hotline will stop opening with, ‘Have you tried turning democracy off and on again.’” When asked whether the United States consented to the takeover, Norway looked briefly confused. “We assumed you would appreciate a plan,” the spokesperson said. “Also, we brought waffles.”

This is insane. Putin is a bad guy. He kills innocent Ukrainians every night. He started the largest war in Europe since World War II for no reason. He has killed his political opponents. Diplomats have to engage with dictators but they don’t have to check their values at the door to do so.

Dozens of reporters from nearly all major news agencies cleared out their offices today at the Pentagon, before turning in their press badges together at 4:00pm, after every news outlet beside one, refused to sign a “pledge” Tuesday from Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth agreeing to new rules and restrictions imposed on the Pentagon Press Corps. Photos from @AP

We need everyone that sees this from outside of the United States to comment. On a scale of one to 10, how bad is it in the US?

CENSORED: “They refused to run my column this week. Too critical of Trump, they said.” Writer Dan Conway left The Daily Memphian after editors rejected his column for criticizing Trump’s unconstitutional military incursions into US cities. Read the column: facebook.com/share/p/16uP6wQ…

Russian economy is slowly and quietly collapsing. Russian stores cut product assortment by 2.3% for food, 5.1% for children's goods, 5.6% for alcohol, 7.3% for face care. Russian companies slashed 2025 investments by 733B rbls compared to 2024, Moscow Times reports. 1/

Can you think of a band or artist that mentions their own name in a song? 🎶

INSANE! The Telegraph: Trump will offer Putin access to rare earth minerals in Russian-occupied Ukrainian territories to reach ceasefire. US is also opening Alaska's natural resources to Russia and lifting aviation industry sanctions. 1/

1/ The Trump Administration is reportedly finalising a peace proposal that would allow Russia to take over the entirety of the Donetsk region and force Ukraine to surrender the unoccupied portion. All territory currently occupied by Russia would remain under Russian control. ⬇️

Hey @grok how much money will the U.S. lose in payroll taxes and Social Security due to Trump's purge of undocumented labor?

Medicaid provides reimbursement to medical providers for medical services. This means NO ONE can sit at home and collect Medicaid checks. The payments don't go to "Medicaid recipients." They go do doctors and hospitals. 1/5

There is a hilarious thread where russians are talking with Grok about Ukraine. It's so funny that I want to share it with a wider audience. It is in russian, of course so I will put screenshots from it here. Enjoy 😊 🧵 1/

🤡 Lavrov: "A peace agreement must include points on the demilitarization and denazification of Ukraine, lifting of sanctions from Russia, and the return of frozen assets." 🤨 So tell me, what’s even left to talk about with people like this? Russia invaded Ukraine — not the other way around. And under international law, aggression is a crime. It’s not just immoral — it’s illegal. Russia must face punishment for this war of aggression, which violates the UN Charter and every treaty Moscow ever signed, including the Budapest Memorandum. According to that agreement, Russia was supposed to protect Ukraine's territorial integrity — not steal it. In fact, it should return the nuclear weapons, aircraft, and missiles it took in exchange for that promise. And in any war started by the aggressor, reparations are standard. But here we’re not just talking about land — we’re talking about war crimes. Russia commits genocide. It bombs hospitals, schools, kindergartens, residential buildings every day. These are not just property losses. This is trauma. And Russia must pay not only on trial — but with money. Massive compensation is due. Also — let’s not forget that Russia robbed Ukraine’s wealth after the collapse of the Soviet Union. That theft is part of why Ukraine is economically struggling today. So it’s not even a question of returning funds — it’s a question of whether those funds will be enough. And if not — how do we make Russia pay more? And what about those killed in this war? Ukrainian soldiers are not people who chose a military career, unlike many Russians lured by money, sadism, or hate. These are teachers, scientists, parents, artists, athletes — ordinary people forced to defend their homes. And Russia kills them not just in combat — but executes them as POWs, even in captivity on Russian soil. And because it can’t win fairly, Russia regularly uses banned weapons, including chemical weapons. That is another crime — and Lavrov personally should be held accountable. He, unlike Putin, may well end up in The Hague within his lifetime. And let’s be honest — the Nazi ideology and tactics are alive not in Ukraine, but in Russia: dictatorship, political terror, state propaganda, glorification of violence, and persecution of dissent. Actual Russian citizens are the ones begging for their own country to be denazified and demilitarized. If Russia truly wanted sanctions lifted — they could have withdrawn their forces long ago and declared victory, like their ally Iran just did. But now? The war can only end in Moscow. And it will end not with the return of frozen assets or forgiveness — but with Russia’s demilitarization and denazification. #RussiaUkraine @POTUS @WhiteHouse

Serious question: what are Americans gonna do when states get hit with natural disasters and there’s no FEMA or federal assistance coming your way?

Russian Central Bank Governor Nabiullina: Russia’s resources are now exhausted. Without investment and reforms, we stall. [Sanctions are working, Putin denies it] Since the invasion, Russia’s National Wealth Fund dropped by a third, from $107B to $35B. 1/

ICE thugs don't like to be followed I announce a toast, to you. Thank you for your thug prevention

ICE Agents hate this one trick…Knowing what to do when approached by ICE needs to be something that everyone plans.