@mentalpause1

The glass is half-full AND half-empty. I can be in 2 places at the same time. This rabbit hole never ends

 Surfside
Joined August 2018
  • Tweets68.3K
  • Following1.5K
  • Followers4.1K
703Media
Mike Mentalpause retweeted
liaa@_provisionalllOct 26
dating an ex again is called??
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
David 🎃@DBStonerOct 26
I have some awesome tweets in my drafts. But I'm saving those for Xmas. So today you get this.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
SciPi@SciPiHarveyOct 26
Please don’t put Almond Joys in my kids Halloween bucket…. I don’t eat those
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Am I the fucker or the fuckee in this scenario
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I guess I'm not going to become famous like I thought. Well, at least for a non-criminal reason. That's still in play.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
machine pun jelly👹@iamvkhil2Oct 26
boobs don't solve problems, but they do make you forget what the problem was.
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Romantic date ideas like scheduling dual colonoscopies
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I have Schrödinger’s temper - it is both there and not there until tested.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
liaa@_provisionalllOct 25
3 words better than “i love you"?
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Cat From Nowhere
@kv8Oct 25
Dedicating the rest of the evening to lying around, being statuesque and whatnot. wyd.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
CoCo@unhingebingeOct 25
Sometimes you have to let people go so they can find someone worse than you.
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𓅓@ufw_AnomalyOct 25
Seeing me irl is rare im mostly a concept
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
Yuki@YukiLunarqOct 25
Name an addiction worse than alcohol and drugs.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
Jen@SleepEatScreamOct 25
Adults who say “whoopsies” please stop.
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I don’t mean to brag but my posts have been enjoyed by well over 20 people worldwide.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
Michael@michaelo2016Oct 24
Duplicity looks exhausting
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David 🎃@DBStonerOct 24
Got a sore throat. Gonna give myself a Vicks vapor mustache like my mom used to give me.
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
you already know@DrinkingDad_2Oct 24
Fast & Furious but it’s about a guy with premature ejaculation and anger issues.
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You’re embarrassing your relatives of yore with your grammar
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Mike Mentalpause retweeted
Mike Mentalpause@mentalpause1Oct 20
You're the reason people give up
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