@RunOldMan

Disabled Army Veteran, Bills Mafia, Mental Health Matters, Laughter is the best medicine 🇺🇸🇵🇷 Boricua NO MAGA https://xitter.cf/t.co/LpPIFl6lcu…

 Northern Virginia
xitter.cf/search?q=from%3A%40runoldman%20-filter%3Areplies&src=typed_query&f=live
Joined January 2014
  • Tweets824K
  • Following14.8K
  • Followers39.3K
6.1KMedia
I can’t keep focusing on what was when what is stands right in front of me
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Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UK3h
Well of course I check every wardrobe I see... for secret doors, lions and witches... mama didn't raise no fool
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David 🎃@DBStoner3h
I used to be a mammal on Discovery Channel. Now I'm a fossil on the Smithsonian.
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Dammit Bits@DammitBits4h
If you got hurt as a minor in the early 1990s there was no calling 911. It existed. You just didn’t pull that card unless there was at minimum a severed artery with profuse bleeding that you couldn’t stop with a tourniquet you learned how to tie from watching Rescue 911.
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Mr.Carter@dexteristwisted5h
When your friend has zero filter Me I'm that friend
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Why do sexy people like us have to go through so much? It’s not fair
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꓄ꀘ@RareSoulMammaai3h
~...SHE'S Still The Same —Garden The Same Open 'SKY 🖤 'Yet Winter Arrived When —YOU Passed 'Right On By 🖤 'So Search Not HER Silence For Some Hidden —–Sign 🖤 The Treatment YOU Reap —IS The Mirror 'Of THINE 🖤 Take A Quiet Step Back —From The Walls That SHE Built...~ #SHE ♀️
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Víkrám
@gvicks2h
Some people can make “have some more” sound like an invitation. Others make it sound like a court order.
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DaddyJew@DaddyJew2h
looking at my son’s Halloween candy like
a cute chonky squirrel sitting on a fence post with its hands folded over one another

ALT a cute chonky squirrel sitting on a fence post with its hands folded over one another

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You talk for a long time, but they never once ask you a question about yourself, because you never really mattered except for their ego
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Uncle Bob 🍩@UncleBob562h
I would have made a great cop because... donuts!
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Mr.Carter@dexteristwisted2h
My favorite set of boobs are always the one's I'm currently looking at
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Social Outcast@SocialOutcast821h
My midlife chins are coming in nicely.
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Ⓜ️isterD@MisterD78UK1h
Spilled my tea and my cat stared at me like I just ruined her Netflix binge.... This diva judges me harder than Simon Cowell in a bad mood
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meghan
@deloisivete2h
I wish I loved anything as much as Teams loves trying to get me to turn my microphone on when I'm coughing
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Functionally Feral@FeralFerrell7h
nothing much surprises me anymore, but I still startle pretty easily
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The Curious Optimist@VitaeArcanum11h
living apathy ever after
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I’m gonna make Tuesday my bitch I’m gonna drink my coffee Then I’m gonna drink yours I’m gonna eat my breakfast Then I’m gonna eat yours I’m gonna bang my wife Then I’m gonna… Probably take a nap. That’s a pretty full day.
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korpisworld@kwkorpi2h
Fantasy football is Dungeons & Dragons for men who would make fun of you for playing Dungeons & Dragons.
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X🇨🇦@FFmaxhyde7h
No fucking nuace or interpretation...just the rules and our fucking choices
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